I hope this message finds everyone in good health. I was doing some calculations and realized that by the age of 40 I will have 20 years of credited service working for the city. Now baring potential disasters or unforeseen circumstances it will be enough time to collect a modest but sizable salary when I reach full retirement age. I would still be a young man and I can honestly pursue the option of starting a new career. The question then becomes what should I do with my second career. Well after much soul searching (5 minutes) I have decide to formally announce my candidacy in the 2020 congressional election.
I would like to take the time out to thank my lovely future wife. You will have been a pillar of strength and support. I would like to mention how much I will love my 2 children, Jeremiah and Josephine and our dog Scraps. I would like you to know that I will be a strong proponent of God and Family values. Unlike my opponent I will not stoop to baseless character attacks, His indiscretions will be between him and his “random chemical reaction.” I will restore the dignity of the office. No longer will congress be remembered for the 2017 crystal meth scandal. We will move forward and realize the great strength and courage it took for the distinguished representative from Rhode Island and no longer refer to her as Tina Tweeker. I will put forth legislation to decrease the 27 octillion dollar deficit by 3 percent in ten years. I will also make sure that everyone has a choice of which abortion doctor we force them to use. I would also like to apologize to my wife and my lovely kids for my unfortunate prostitution animal husbandry scandal. I will have lost my way, but with the faith and support of my family I will redeem myself.
I hope I have your support.
Thank you, Good night, God Bless America and see you in November.